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Jun 26

The Art Of Giving Advice – Part 2

shaming3In part two of The Art Of Giving Advice, we’ll take a look at four critical errors that are often made in the name of offering advice.

Critical Advice Giving Mistake #1:

Discounting “You shouldn’t feel that way” is an excellent way to shut down a conversation, cause people emotional pain and undermine relationships.

Critical Advice Giving Mistake #2:

Autobiographical Responding Expressing our opinions, feelings and experiences before we have “Listened First” and “Acknowledged” is a sign of an unskilled communicator. When used as a first response, our ideas move the conversation from focusing on the other to focusing on ourselves.

Critical Advice Giving Mistake #3:

Interrupting the Silence Often when we offer advice people take time to reflect on it. This is their processing time, and interrupting it can get in the way of people weighing our advice and arriving at solutions that are right for them.

Critical Advice Giving Mistake #4:

Disrespecting This can take the form of Shaming (“How did you ever get yourself into such a mess? What’s wrong with you?”); Condescending (“Sounds like you don’t know a thing about this, so let me start teaching you!”); Criticism Disguised as Advice; and Teaching, Preaching and Moralizing.

The Foundation For Mastery

The foundation for all efective communication skills, including The Art of Giving Advice, is to communicate from a place and attitude of respect and caring.  Otherwise, our words are often perceived as “techniques,” and create distance rather than connection. Make sure that your intentions are clean and that you seek to help the other rather than show how smart you are. Regardless of the words you use, people will pick up intuitively if you are coming from an ego-driven place.

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